"Check my license. Mohammed Jafar.
[Bonds], when you're done with this fare, get your indicted ass down to the convention center!"
So what's going on in the world of baseball today?
(I do have to give MLB.com credit for acknowledging the Bonds indictment, and in fact making that the top story. On the other hand, I take issue with "Player A might have reached a deal with Team B" supposedly being a bigger story than the hardware.)
My prediction that the Angels would sign both Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez is starting to look terrible. Given that the A's probably have to blow it up and start over either way, I can't decide whether the lack of an Anaheim juggernaut makes that more or less sad.
It turns 100 tomorrow. Happy birthday (in case I forget)!
Nothing much happened on April 22, 1989, if I remember right. At least nothing that got as much coverage as Nolan Ryan striking out Rickey Henderson for #5000. (Yes, I had to look up both the land rush day (just the day, knew the year) and what else happened that day.)
House Bill 1804 took effect on November 1, and seems to contain some draconian provisions about how other people deal with illegal immigrants.
House Bill 1017 involved education funding, and coincided(?) with a one-day(!) teachers' strike in April 1990(?). I think it passed but I'm not 100% sure of my memory.
Oklahoma has been a state since 1907. Once can assume that state legislation began with House Bill 1 (whatever and whenever that may have been).
Anything you can conclude from all this is an exercise for the reader.
It says here BU School of Law ranks in the 89th percentile on the US News ratings, while the undergraduate institution is in the 78% percentile.
Both of those sound about right to me.
On the same topic: Nearly every law school uses GPA and LSAT as two of the main admission criteria. As of 1996 BU gave LSAT more weight (relative to GPA) than nearly any other institute. Does my not being a lawyer vindicate the more GPA-centric admissions departments?
(By the way, Google cares deeply about applicants' college GPA. Very few employers do (aside from deciding whether to hire recent graduates) but Google does.)
(When I registered to vote, I joined a party of incompetents and crazy people, a party whose formal existence is sort of an oxymoron, a party summed pretty well by this Onion article.)
1. I could go to heaven!! Yay! Thank you, Howard!
2. More seriously, I could vote for Hillary in a primary. Yes, really. That is, I could vote against the man who thinks this country needs a Chief Technology Officer. He announced this at Google of all places! How in the world could Google have succeeded without central government planning?
Maybe it's lazy/hackneyed to fall back on The Onion twice in one post, but this brilliantly captures everything that's wrong with government-run tech endeavors.
Fantasy football 7, English language 0.
"As a Ronnie Brown keeper-league owner who feared that his team's chances for a championship were ruined the moment that Brown suffered a season-ending knee injury in Week 7, Jesse Chatman has quickly emerged as a personal favorite and quasi-savior."
--first god-forsaken sentence of this column
Either there is yet another Adrian Peterson meme (to go with Purple Jesus, All Day, and Employee of the Month*), or somebody at ESPN's fantasy sports division does not know how to spell "withdrawal."
*- Cheap shot, since, he didn't receive paychecks from the car dealership in question. (Rather, he took advantage of a "standard practice" where in the dealership let owners return cars with buyer's remorse.)
Patronizing? Tone-deaf? Innocuous? Obvious? Subtly insightful?
So help me, the headline on the print edition of this article is "Can Obama Do For Politics What Tiger Woods Did For Golf?"
The intended parallel is soul-crushingly obvious but for a better comparison what would be the political equivalent of a 21-year-old winning the 1997 Masters by 12 strokes?
Got this one right away. (As did basically every commenter.)
None of this quite rises to the level of integrating a lunch counter, but before I die I plan to, among other things:
1. Serve alcohol to teenagers (are those humongous billboards all over the rest of the country or just my neck of the woods?)
2. Play on-line poker in Massachusetts
3. [some half-baked drug use scheme to be named later, possibly moot if various jurisdictions see the light before I even get around to my first toke ever]
More exactly, "at what frequency of usage would either of these phrases annoy you"?
A. "Mea culpa"
B. "My bad"
Maurice Morris or Bobby Engram? (need at least 6.85 points in a .1 points per yard league)
I'm not saying Part 2 (tonight) wasn't funny at times, but that's a lot of broken walls, shattered conceits, gratuitous crossovers, and the like.
"Whose dream is it going to be?"
"His of course."
(Somewhere in Cooch's archives)
NBC very heavily promoted the Week 11 "flex game": New England at Buffalo. Funny things about this:
1. We know the Bills' hot streak is based on an easy schedule.
2. Flexes aside, Week 12's default Sunday night game was to be Philadelphia at New England. I assume they won't do the Patriots twice in a row.
3. There's a paucity of good Sunday Week 12 games. The best by default seems to be Washington at Tampa Bay (or Buffalo at Jacksonville! - but I assume they won't do the Bills twice in a row either).
4. Week 12 Monday night is Miami at Pittsburgh. That's even an more heinous mismatch than NY Jets at Dallas on Thanksgiving proper! (And also more heinous than Indianapolis at Atlanta, later Thanksgiving night, only on pay TV.)
5. The Week 11 "4:05 game" is Pittsburgh at NY Jets. As far as I can tell that means the New York market won't get to see Washington at Dallas.
6. Week 12 "4:15 games": Baltimore at San Diego, or Denver at Chicago. Pick your poison!
"The coach is killing me!" (reference)
Update to reflect Monday night's game. Seattle up two, Washington and New Orleans each down one.
32. Miami (0-9) (Last week: 31) There can be only one. (Week 11: at Philadelphia)
31. San Francisco (2-7) (Last week: 30) Could move up by at least playing the Seahawks tight on Monday. (Week 11: vs. St. Louis)
30. NY Jets (1-8) (Last week: 29) Bye. (Week 11: vs. Pittsburgh)
29. St. Louis (1-8) (Last week: 32) Is this an overreaction? (I almost put them at 28.) The thing is, Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson are significantly healthier than two weeks (much less one month) ago. In hindsight their tailspin shouldn't have surprised: Imagine if the Eagles lost both McNabb and Westbrook, or the Chargers both Rivers and Tomlinson. (Week 11: at San Francisco)
28. Oakland (2-7) (Last week: 27) I checked scores around 4. The Raiders had just gotten the ball, down 10-6 with about two minutes left. Next thing I knew they'd just gotten the ball, down 17-6 with about two minutes left. (Week 11: at Minnesota)
27. Carolina (4-5) (Last week: 24) He's dead, Jim. (Week 11: at Green Bay)
26. Atlanta (3-6) (Last week: 28) Close losses are turning into close wins. Joey Harrington led a game-winning drive on the road. That said, their remaining schedule isn't easy. (Week 11: vs. Tampa Bay)
25. Cincinnati (3-6) (Last week: 26) I hope Shayne Graham didn't face any of your fantasy teams. (Week 11: vs. Cincinnati)
24. Minnesota (3-6) (Last week: 17) Brian was so right about this team. And that was before the Peterson injury. (Week 11: vs. Oakland)
23. Houston (4-5) (Last week: 25) Bye. (Week 11: vs. New Orleans)
22. Baltimore (4-5) (Last week: 15) What an egg to lay! At home against the Bengals defense (the Bengals!) and their only offense is a late shutout-averting touchdown. Next four are against Cleveland, San Diego, New England, and Indianapolis. (Week 11: vs. Cleveland)
21. Kansas City (4-5) (Last week: 19) Those "two straight big home games" turned into two straight home losses. And now Brodie Croyle. And now... (Week 11: at Indianapolis)
20. Arizona (4-5) (Last week: 23) Dear Jon, Who's on God's Team now? Love, Kurt. (Week 11: at Cincinnati)
19. Buffalo (5-4) (Last week: 20) That's four in a row since the Monday night collapse. Given the rest of their slate I'd be surprised if they made it to 8-8. Look at their opponents from the winning streak then compare their trajectory on other polls to their trajectory on this one. (Going back to the beginning: 19, 22, 24, 24, 21, 25*, 25, 24, 20, 19. The biggest drop was on their bye week and basically amounted to "Okay, ZD, I see your point," wiping out the effect of my bumping them up three spots for nearly beating Dallas.) (Week 11: vs. New England, Sunday night)
18. Chicago (4-5) (Last week: 18) They really needed Rex back? (Week 11: at Seattle)
17. Denver (4-5) (Last week: 21) Not dead yet! (1 of 2) (Week 11: vs. Tennessee, Monday night)
16. Philadelphia (4-5) (Last week: 22) Not dead yet! (2 of 2) (Week 11: vs. Miami)
15. New Orleans (4-5) (Last week: 12) Now that's the Drew Brees that I dropped in a fantasy league. Whoever picked in up in DownWith: Ha! I hope you started him this weekend. (Week 11: at Houston)
14. Washington (5-4) (Last week: 13) In the big 4th quarter sequence, Eagles defense to Clinton Portis: "No, you can't have a touchdown!" Followed by Brian Westbrook to Redskins defense: "No, you can't stop me!" The second one happened twice. (Week 11: at Dallas)
13. Seattle (5-4) (Last week: 16) TBA. (After last Monday I forgot to change the Baltimore comment from "TBA" to something snarky. You'd think this won't be a problem tomorrow. You'd think.) (Week 11: vs. Chicago)
12. Cleveland (5-4) (Last week: 14) Every fiber of my being bristles about bumping a team two spots after a choke like that. You can't be playoff-caliber without winning on the road, and you can't win on the road without defense. They "gained" these spots by not being nearly as bad this weekend as the two below them. (Week 11: at Baltimore)
11. Detroit (6-3) (Last week: 8) Red flag alert! Not to be defeatist, but this team could very well go 7-9 (for the seventh win take your pick from "at Minnesota" and "vs. Kansas City") and still accomplish a lot more. I just hope it's not unfairly maligned when all is said and done, for peaking early (and having the easier schedule early) instead of late. (Week 11: vs. NY Giants)
10. Tampa Bay (5-4) (Last week: 11) Bye. Other than teams at the extremes, and Pittsburgh, there's no team that more obviously belongs in its exact spot than this one. (Week 11: at Atlanta)
9. San Diego (5-4) (Last week: 9) Al Michaels predicted that San Diego's sports talk radio would become "X-rated." Does that involve phone sex somehow? (Week 11: at Jacksonville)
8. Tennessee (6-3) (Last week: 7) My favorite Radiohead song is "Let Down." (Week 11: at Denver, Monday night)
7. Jacksonville (6-3) (Last week: 10) Weird AP lede: "The Jacksonville Jaguars are proof of the motivating power of embarrassment and desperation." (Week 11: vs. San Diego)
6. NY Giants (6-3) (Last week: 6) OK, so they're not quite elite (and probably won't have any playoff home games). (Week 11: at Detroit)
5. Pittsburgh (7-2) (Last week: 5) Tremendous gaps just above and just below. (Week 11: at NY Jets)
4. Green Bay (8-1) (Last week: 4) I wouldn't be surprised to see them third in some polls. That would be a distinct overemphasis on the team's most recent game. (Week 11: vs. Carolina)
3. Indianapolis (7-2) (Last week: 3) Nice picks, Peyton. But after all that (and how much of the early deficit came from special teams variance), in a way this game was quite a rout. (Week 11: vs. Kansas City)
2. Dallas (8-1) (Last week: 2) Last time this (Cowboys over Colts) defied common sense and was an egregious example of "what have you done for me lately?" bias. This week it may still be controversial, though the Giants are distinctly better than the Chargers. (Week 11: vs. Washington)
1. New England (9-0) (Last week: 1) Bye. (Week 11: at Buffalo, Sunday night)
Good: Fox was vigilant about switching viewers from Packers-Vikings to Eagles-Redskins the moment the former became a 27-point game.
Bad: No matter how that game comes out, we get three minutes of commercials and then the opening kickoff of that much-anticipated Bears-Raiders game. Might as well turn off the TV now.
On the bright side: Have I mentioned I like Brian Westbrook a lot?
Fun fantasy football note: Thanks mostly to early game-late game variance, in my ESPN Leagues I'm up 76 to 13 and 107 to 37.
Are both on right now. (Lutheran Bowl (or, "purple versus yellow") and Denver-KC.) In light of both of these, the answer I gave to Craig's Facebook question -- What is your favorite sports rivalry? -- was especially lacking.
In baseball I tend to dislike classic rivalries because fans on both sides become unbearable. Yankees-Red Sox, Cardinals-Cubs, Giants-Dodgers all have that problem. At any given moment the baseball "rivalry" I like most is a transient thing: Lately A's-Angels, but that's about to get very one-sided.