Michaels just cited the New York Jets' status as 7-point underdogs. In pre-game he remarked that if San Diego's field were a racetrack it'd still be dry enough to be called "fast."
Chad pointed out that the end of STL-SEA had major implications for that game's over/under, and that Al would have alluded to this with a wink and smile (unlike the Sunday Night Football broadcasters, who apparently don't wager much; by the way, granting that usually Paul Maguire is right anyway and Joe Theisman wrong anyway, at what point will the shtick go too far and Thesiman just pop Maguire in the jaw or shove him over the railing or something?).
1. Peter Gabriel, "Solsbury Hill" (the Topher Grace movie this year, "Big Fish" last year)
2. Traffic, "Feelin' Alright" (seemingly every comedy of the 1990s)
The first comment on this post is astonishingly insightful, although I'm not sure whether it's on purpose. If I ever suddenly cut my on-line presence to close to zero, it will be from taking it to heart.
"It's amazing how many people you meet who have rotten jobs and miserable marriages who have rich and fulfilling online lives."
(Note: I do have a very enjoyable job and am sharing my life with the love of my life.)
SHORT VERSION:
You should be rooting for Pittsburgh or San Diego this month; since they're very likely to play each other next week anyway, that complicates things.
LONGER VERSION:
Last spring, the San Diego Chargers (NFL's worst record in 2003) took Mississippi quarterback Eli Manning (son of New Orleans Saints great Archie, younger brother of Indianapolis Colts great Peyton) with the #1 pick in the NFL draft. Eli and his dad threw a fit, prompting the Chargers to trade Eli to the New York Giants for a package including Phil Rivers (the next quarterback taken that draft). For all that, incumbent QB Drew Brees ended up having the season of his life in 2004. Meanwhile, later that round, the Pittsburgh Steelers drated a different QB, Ben Roethlisberger, from Miami of Ohio.
All this is leading into my extremely belated (since one game is at halftime) guide to the 2004-2005 NFL playoffs, written for an audience of people like football but who had given up on the game out of frustration with prima donnas. (Read: My dad, who might not read this, but I'll phone or e-mail with the gist of it.)
NFC Playoff Teams
In a sharp reversal from 10-15 years ago, the NFC is now the much weaker of the two conferences. We'll cover those teams first. (The numbers are just seeding order.)
#6. Minnesota Vikings. Started the season 5-1 but went 3-7 over their last ten games. Highest-profile player is wide receiver Randy Moss, infamous for his brushes with the law and his openly dogging it on some percentage of the team's plays. Soon to be a non-factor, as highly unlikely to win at Green Bay tomorrow.
#5. St. Louis Rams. What can you say about a team whose biggest prima donna is arguably its intellectually-challenged self-described-genius of a coach? This was the team that a few years back, Kurt Warner came out of nowhere to become a superstar QB running seemingly unstoppable plays. Then Warner cratered, and a backup named Marc Bulger quietly stepped in and has become, if not great, then at least very good. Marshall Faulk has been one of the best running backs in the league for about a decade now; he's in decline, but rookie RB Stephen Jackson has great skills and a good attitude. Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce (no relation to me) are the highly touted (but as far as I know unspoiled) receivers.
#4. Seattle Seahawks. Speaking of coaches... I don't know about his personality, but ever since he left Green Bay Mike Holmgren's reputation has exceeded his performance. One writer pointed out that the Seahawks don't do any particular thing especially well. Shaun Alexander puts up big running stats but for whatever reason it's mainly a passing team. The wide receivers are notorious for dropping passes and the defense is okay but not stellar. Jerry Rice is one of those WR but has lost a couple steps from when the future hall-of-famer was at his peak.
#3. Green Bay Packers. From the press publicity you'd think Brett Favre were the only player on this team. Great quarterback and good guy, though the kind of publicity he's getting is bound to produce a backlash. If Favre made a binding commitment to retire in the event of winning the Super Bowl (it'd be his second ring; he's also lost a Super Bowl) then I'd root for the Packers all the way.
#2. Atlanta Falcons. Led the NFL in rushing in 2004, with the yards split between RBs Warrick Dunn and TJ Duckett, and the scrambling, seriously-overhyped quarterback Michael Vick (whose ability as a passer has nowhere near matched his physical potential). Won more games in the regular season than their yardage gained and allowed would suggest; hard to tell how they'll do in the playoffs. A likely GB-ATL matchup next week will be fun to watch and remind people of the upset the Falcons pulled off at Green Bay a couple playoffs ago.
#1. Philadelphia Eagles. The injury to Terrell Owens, who might miss the entire playoffs, was a serious blow to this team. Then again, the kind of publicity the wide receiver gets is almost exactly what turns a certain type of fan off the NFL completely.
Bottom line, root for St. Louis or Green Bay in this conference but don't expect much.
AFC Playoff Teams
Some very good, very likeable teams here.
#6. Denver Broncos. Barely made it in. The lightning rod for this team is coach Mike Shanahan, who's started to rub people the wrong way. Often good but very inconsistent quarterback Jake Plummer plays behind the league's most effective (but arguably dirtiest-playing, with low blocks around defenders' knees) offensive line. The Broncos have had a string of highly-touted running backs, all of who put up big yards, but with the performance of the O-line, just about anyone could rush for a lot of yards there.
#5. New York Jets. Very good early in the season but then young quarterback Chad Pennington got hurt, and since he came back he's had problems with his footwork. Like Denver, don't have much of a chance of winning this weekend. If you're trying to avoid prima donnas, a New York team speaks for itself, even if its home games are really in New Jersey swampland.
#4. San Diego Chargers. You'd never think this for Southern California, but this is one of the teams an old-school fan should really like. For all the quarterback drama listed above, the big story on this team is RB LaDainian Tomlinson, not just arguably the best RB in the league but also (much less arguably) the one with the best work ethic. For all the years San Diego was awful, he never once complained.
#3. Indianapolis Colts. Eli's attitude shouldn't necessarily reflect on Peyton, but this is one of those teams that from the media coverage, you'd think the QB was the team's only player. Otherworldly, record-setting regular-season numbers; how he'll do in the playoffs is still to be seen.
#2. New England Patriots. A couple Super Bowls ago, they made a point of being introduced only as a team, eschewing the individual-player introductions. Obviously you should really appreciate this, and yet... if part of the appeal of football is rooting for the underdog then you're probably not going to jump on the bandwagon of the team that already won two of the last three Super Bowls.
#1. Pittsburgh Steelrs. Aforementioned rookie QB Ben Roethlisberger took over in the third game of the season, and still hasn't lost a game as an NFL starter. That's phenomenal. Running back Jerome Bettis is near the end of the line; they signed free agent Duce Staley to take over for him and relegate him to short yardage, though he seems to have gotten his job back. Coach Bill Cowher now has (I think) the longest tenure of any current NFL head coach; somehow just appropriate that this honor go to a Steeler, especially one with his distinctive personality (and chin).
(Especially a media empire.)
Quoting at length from Mickey Kaus:
Yesterday, in the course of killing Crossfire and not renewing Crossfire co-host Tucker Carlson's contract--two decisions that may be perfectly defensible--[new CNN chief Jonathan] Klein told the Associated Press, "I guess I come down more firmly in the Jon Stewart camp." ... So let me get this straight. Carlson soldiers on as Crossfire interviewer while the show gets worse and worse. It's expanded, it's contracted, it's moved around the schedule. He has CNN people yelling in his ear to "get mad" or to interrupt his guests. He does what he's told. (You think he necessarily likes doing that? Then why is his own show, Tucker Carlson: Unfiltered, a model of civil discourse?) Then Carlson has a guest on Crossfire, a popular liberal comedian who doesn't like CNN-style shoutfests and when challenged calls Carlson a "dick" on the air. Everybody talks about it for a week. Most of the chatterers favor the comedian. Carlson takes a PR hit for the team. So when Klein gets to choose between backing his organization's employee up or associating himself with the popular comedian, Klein ... tells the press he sides with the guy who called his employee a "dick"? ... Why would anyone want to go to work for this man?
(Emphasis and ellipses in the original.)
As much as I dislike Carlson's Crossfire persona, and wonder how you could live with yourself being someone you're not, night in and night out, this is still pretty blatantly throwing him under the bus.
Jeff Jarvis says it better than I could. Two things that are especially awful about this:
1. There are relatively few well-known conservative black media personalities. Armstrong Williams was one. Ken Hamblin is still out there; who else...
2. If NCLB is as good as the Bush administration believes it is, then you don't need to buy publicity. All this time we've made fun of Democrats for needing to rely on paid "grassroots" canvassers to do the things Republican volunteers did for free.
(You should also try David's quiz. And Richard and Maribeth's. And Mark's.)
Okay, I lied. Here are 25 more. Presented to you in iTunes "Party Shuffle" order, with instrumentals, obscure album tracks (except 25), and dupes removed at my discretion. As usual, if you websearch anything, don't bother commenting on it.
On covers:
#1 is the original (as far as I know). #15 is a cover by an industrial band; since you'd never get the band (nor would I), let's pretend it's the original. #20 is a cover, with a track length of about 90 seconds.
1. "He'll spend his very last dime trying to hold on to what he needs. He'd give up all his comforts, sleep out in the rain." (Allyson)
2. "You should've been gone knowing how I made you feel and I should've been gone after all your words of steel." (Greg)
3. "What else should I say? Everyone is gay. What else should I write? I don't have the right." (Greg)
4. "I'm pulling your strings, twisting your mind and smashing your dreams. Blinded by me, you can't see a thing." (John)
5. "She said it's lonely here tonight. She's always sad when she's alone. She said I need you here tonight; she couldn't wait til I get home." (band by Joshua, song by Maribeth)
6. "Summer came and left without a warning. All at once I looked you were gone. Now you're looking back at me searching for a way that we can be like we were before." (Allyson)
7. "The same people, the same tricks and the same music, the same quicksand. I think this harbor town is wasted and sinking fast." (Mark)
8. "I saw sparks fly from the corner of my eye, and when I turned it was love at first sight." (ZD)
9. "I closed my eyes, began to pray, then tears of joy streamed down my face." (Cooch)
10. "Stuttering, cold and damp, steal the warm and tired friend. Times are gone for honest men and sometimes far too long for snakes."
11. "I know we're just like old friends, we just can't pretend that lovers make amends." (David)
12. "The first mate he got drunk, broke in the captain's trunk. The constable had to come take him away." (Miggy)
13. "Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert, and you're getting two thumbs up." (Miggy)
14. "We are the children, the last generation. We are the ones they left behind, and I wonder when we are ever gonna change, living under the fear til nothing else remains." (Greg)
15. "I got black sensations rolling down my spine. When you're into evil you're a friend of mine." (Corwyn)
16. "There seems no justice when you fall in love. It gives you blindness when you are the one, the one that's hurting cause they've got the gun."
17. "A constant wave of tension on top of broken trust. The lessons that you taught me, I learned were never true."
18. "When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained, but darling when I hold you, don't you know I feel the same." (Allyson)
19. "No navigator to find my way home; unladen, empty, turn to stone." (Richard)
20. "Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone. Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you." (Greg)
21. "Wake up in the morning and I raise my weary head. Got an old coat for a pillow and the Earth was last night's bed." (band by Corwyn, song by ZD)
22. "When we sleep, would you shelter me in your warm and dark embrace?"
23. "My name's Tim and I'm a criminal. In the eyes of society I need to be in jail for the herbs I inhale." (Miggy)
24. "Love, soft as an easy chair; love, fresh as the morning air." (Greg)
25. "When I was five I took a dive. When I was ten I walked again. When I was 15 I kept my motor clean."
Just to complete the NetFlix trifecta:
I've been excused from watching this after a test audience found it "boring."
(A select few of you just noticed that I occasionally write bonus parts about movies I haven't even seen.)
Against all odds this turned out to be a good movie. Pending rights issues you'll see this on cable TV right before Christmas ten years from now every bit as much as you see (let's say) Miracle on 34th Street now. Not "A Christmas Story" saturation, but not every movie can get the 24-hour TNT marathon treatment, and even that I wouldn't rule out for Elf.
Zooey Deschanel with blonde hair might or might not resemble Maribeth; quite sure. If not Maribeth then that look reminded me of at least someone I know or knew.
There has never been a movie quite like Harold & Kumar and probably never will be. I thoroughly enjoyed it, the surprise being that none of the scenes featuring deep-seated unfairness ever fazed me.
C.f. Ghostbusters, where when I watched it as a kid the scene where Bill Murray electroshocks his test subject (the guy, not the cute one) even though the guy really did start to become psychic at the end, or at least guess right... anyhow, that scene always really agitated me, yet nothing from H & K agitated me.
It's just about the right combination of movie about Asian guys and movie about guys who do drugs. For what it's worth, among my most frequent poker buddies are an investment banker of Indian heritage and a physics grad student of Korean heritage. On the surface it's like if H & K traded roles, except that neither of them resembles either character much.
Of course the one scene I really could have done without was the one scene that inspired its own featurette. That scene singlehandedly ruined my faith in either young moviegoers today or moviemakers who cater to them or both, in that we got the point about five seconds into it, no need to run the joke into the ground.
(Then again... Blame Mel Brooks? Of all the things one would remember from "Blazing Saddles," what's the one scene most people will think of first? Then you have Terence and Philip: Depending on how much of the irony is on purpose, either uniquely stupid or uniquely brilliant or both.)
By contrast - file under "there's a right way and a wrong way to be puerile" - the scene with Mrs. Freakshow was outstanding, especially the dialogue and the timing. Major American Pie influence, with a dollup of David Lynch.
(By the way, Craig has a new list. I doubt I'll have time to post one any time soon but you never know. One recurring meme is probably plenty.)
SPOILER SPACE: Last chance to look at the old post and test yourself.
(first right answer in parentheses)
1. Hole, "Plump" (John)
2. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, "Nobody Does It Better" (song by Maribeth)
3. Tom Lehrer, "Fight Fiercely Harvard" (Joshua)
4. Winger, "Purple Haze" (song by David)
5. Green Day, "Redundant" (band by Maribeth; the song is from Nimrod)
6. Poison, "Flesh and Blood (Sacrifice)" (nobody - title track from Flesh and Blood (1990))
7. Motorhead, "Traitor" (nobody, and probably the most obscure one here; I couldn't even tell you the album offhand, except it's a CD I ripped)
8. Cinderella, "Sick For The Cure" (nobody; deep album track from Heartbreak Station (1991?))
9. Avril Lavigne, "I'm With You" (Maribeth)
10. Ted Nugent, "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" (nobody)
11. Tiffany, "Could've Been" (Joshua)
12. Mike Reno & Ann Wilson, "Almost Paradise" (Joshua)
13. Bruce Springsteen, "Tunnel of Love" (Joshua)
14. Britney Fox, "Dream On" (nobody; totally unrelated to the Aerosmith song of the same name, it was a minor hit in 1991)
15. Def Leppard, "Hysteria" (Joshua)
16. Creed, "Beautiful" (nobody; from Human Clay)
17. Heart, "Alone" (Joshua)
18. U2, "One Tree Hill" (nobody?!?)
19. White Lion, "Wait" (Maribeth)
20. The Beach Boys, "Wouldn't It Be Nice" (Joshua)
21. Ozzy Osbourne, "Mama I'm Coming Home" (nobody; from No More Tears, though also a hit single in... 1991?)
22. Tom Lehrer, "In Old Mexico" (Richard)
23. Stryper, "Honestly" (nobody; from To Hell With The Devil, made the Billboard singles chart in 1987 I think)
24. White Stripes, "Fell In Love With A Girl" (John)
25. Slaughter, "Fly To The Angels" (ZD)
Despite its practically being a spam magnet, I've drifted back into using my Yahoo! handle as my primary non-work e-mail. The GMail UI just never took for me, though I have a bunch of invitations to give out again if anyone wants a free gig of storage.
(Mind, as a legacy paid Yahoo! Mail user, I ended up getting 2G storage for no additional cost, as their way of trying desperately to keep me in the paying fold -- and probably succeeding at it.)
Irony: The various NAQT aliases that forward to me (among other people) get so much spam themselves that I didn't want any of that spam going to GMail posterity. And yet, if I wasn't using GMail to receive NAQT mail (sending is another thing completely: since I never set up a mail client for explicit matt-at-naqt aliasing, in lieu of that I decided GMail seemed more "professional" than Yahoo!).
Confession #2: While Julia fastidiously empties her Bulk Mail folder (usually without looking; not sure if this is better or worse than combing over the contents), I equally fastidiously ignore mine. Based on several weeks' observation, I apparently get almost exactly 5,000 obvious spam mails every 30 days, or whatever time period Yahoo! actually holds onto bulk (they claim 30 days; probably about right).
There's a method to my madness, mainly paranoia about misdefining filters. For several weeks my question-rewrite e-mails weren't going to the folder they were supposed to and all instead were going to Bulk. By the time I caught onto this I'd already lost a few. Oh well; odds are the questions were unsalvageable enough not to lose any sleep over my failure to attempt rehabilitation.
Let's make this happen. As usual, pseudorandom numbers pick the episodes; I rank 'em on the spot, you critique my rankings (and/or give yours) and a week later I post the revised list. No voting per se in this benevolent dictatorship but I do use your opinions for awesome.
Coming this spring: All six tiers listed, plus your chance to nominate episodes from each list for promotion or relegation. After that... if we're still interested, then ranking within the tiers will be 100 times as tricky as the prelims were.
Stay tuned for #4 Monday morning (along with the #1 results), and be sure to weigh in on #1 and #2 if you haven't already, or even if you have. You can also browse the category archive though you'll need to click on each individual post's timestamp to see comments.
Numbers, please...
36: 7F24 (SI-224 / S03E01) Stark Raving Dad
Thanks to Bart leaving his lucky red hat in the load of washed white shirts, Homer wears a pink shirt to the nuclear power plant. He is promptly committed to a mental institution, where he meets up with a white man (Leon Kompowski) who walks and talks like Michael Jackson.
205: 5F21 (SI-921 / S10E02) The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
Homer experiences a mid-life crisis when he realizes, at 38.1 years of age, that he hasn't accomplished anything meaningful. To curve his remorse, Homer decides to pattern himself after Thomas Edison and become the next great inventor. Guest starring William Daniels as K.I.T.T.
284: DABF10 (SI-1310 / S13E15) Blame it on Lisa
Lisa sponsors a South American orphan - and when the child is reported missing, the Simpsons go to Brazil to find him.
317: EABF22 (SI-1422 / S15E04) The Regina Monologues
Mr. Burns loses a thousand-dollar bill that is quickly turned into the main display at the Museum of Modern Bart. After Burns shows up to reclaim his money, Bart realizes he still earned enough from charging admission to take the Simpsons to England. When they arrive, Marge begs Homer to make this an incident-free trip, which he actually succeeds at until he accidentally runs into the Queen. Now the only thing that will earn Homer a stay of execution is whether he can uncover the plot to poison her majesty. Meanwhile, Bart befriends Prince William. Guest stars Ian McKellan, J.K. Rowling, Jane Leeves, and Prime Minister Tony Blair.
62: 9F01 (SI-401 / S04E03) Homer the Heretic
Homer, in a dream, gets permission from God to skip church, much to Marge's objections.
117: 2F11 (SI-611 / S06E14) Bart's Comet
Springfield's days are numbered when Bart discovers a comet is heading straight for them. Now they must decide who will brave the comet's arrival and who can stay in the Flanders' bomb shelter.
My Quick Impressions:
(curls up in fetal position)
This is the best Excel could do in the random numbers department? Suffice to say whatever comes out on top of this mess I'll be immediately nominating for relegation when the big promotion/demotion blowout comes. Unless someone wants to step forward and really speak out for one of these episodes.
Good gawd these suck.
Both of the "excuses to send The Simpsons abroad" episodes go straight to the bottom. Mind, I hate "Blame It On Lisa" with a white-hot passion, so much so that depending on how you guys feel this could be a good trial run for other episodes I irrationally despise. That said, my disdain for "Regina Monologues" is (I claim) perfectly rational.
If the Season 4 entrant had been anything other than "Homer The Heretic," #1 would be easy by default. That's probably the weakest non-clip-show episode that whole season, and yet it's still pretty good.
I just read through the "Bart the Comet" summary and I swear "Springfield-slash-pervert bill" is the best it has to offer. #4. On the other hand the Thomas Edison episode is pretty darn funny.
Okay, with great trepidation, I default to:
1. Stark Raving Dad ("Lisa it's your birthday... Happy Birthday Lisa...")
2. Wizard ("Not this one! The Smugglers of Pirate Cove. It's about pirates!")
3. Heretic ("You bet your sweet... ASS!", not to mention "Mmm... fattening")
4. Bart the Comet
5. Regina Monologues
6. Blame it on Lisa
Y'know, when I saw the season 15 title I really hoped it was the Grammar Rodeo one, but I guess that was Calgary. And you know what I hate most about the Brazil episode? Lisa's line about how everyone knows what state Springfield is. TOO MUCH GRATUITOUS META.
(I don't mind double-entendre meta; I love that actually, like Bart whistling the Simpsons theme or Homer looking at his watch and saying "that wrapped up sooner than usual." Over-the-top self-aware meta involving things that they'd never say if they were real, I just can't abide by.)
Anyhow, I really don't want to fall in the trap of ranking each episode absolutely; relative orderings are more reliable, especially this early in the process (remember the caveat about judges' scores for early competitors in those mincing Olympic non-sports). That said, I suspect that if the preliminary order for this one stayed as the final order, then Heretic would be the only episode not to be conspicuously overmatched in its tier. Again granting that it's still early, Heretic seems like a solid #3, i.e. it's above-average.
I never thought I'd see something worse than the name of the Watergate hotel yielding the -gate suffix for scandal neologisms (as though the original Watergate scandal were an affair about dihydrogen monoxide?).
All week in blog and/or geek circles there's been running debate on how useful or how (un)trustworthy Wikipedia is. All week I've thought I'd mention this when I got around to it.
Here's the critical article a co-founder wrote and the ensuing Slashdot thread. Meanwhile, Jeff Jarvis is an ardent defender.
Now the somewhat ironic part: Glenn Reynolds took issue with the Instapundit Wikipedia entry, yet by the time I saw his post both the major factual error and the weird content had been removed from that entry.
On balance, any particular entry in Wikipedia is generally accurate and highly useful. Any particular single fact in Wikipedia should be treated as suspect and not relied on without a corroborating source, your personal knowledge and common sense, or both. (There's that old Reagan arms control quote of a (possibly apocryphal) Russian proverb, "Trust but verify.")
By the way, have YOU ever added or edited a Wikipedia entry? Speak up if you have. I've edited (two entries: one a random typo fix, one a clarification on a subject near and dear to me), never added.
Right here. Best are #11 and #1 but I'm old-fashioned.
Do you realize how hard it was this morning to find a radio station that wasn't devoting all its time to this story? (In hindsight, Howard Stern would've fit the bill, given that he's national and not local.)
Ten years ago one could pretty safely guess that a divorce after a politician became famous would finish off his national aspirations; now, hard to say.
Three random opinions I happen to hold even though they're probably irredeemably logically inconsistent:
1. Newsom did the right thing last year when the city started granting same-sex marriage licenses. Yes, they violated a law, an arguably unconstitutional law. For whatever reason there's massive stigma in this country about judge-made law, even when the judges get it right. (C.f. the 2000 presidential election.) If there's going to be a case about whether the law is constitutional, don't sue; break it and let them sue.
2. Stealing bread is still a crime even if it's to feed your family. This comes up every time young people encounter Les Mis for the first time. Yeah, sucks to be Valjean, but he had to face the music. (I'll readily admit that 19 years was excessive; then again, part of the reason for a sentence is deterrence and if enough families are poor enough that enough heads of household will be tempted to steal bread, how do you deter them?)
3. It's okay not to divert the train even to kill one person instead of five. No matter how tightly you define the hypothetical, you can never have enough knowledge to be sure enough that the situation is what it looks like to take responsibility for the one person.
I wish there were a remotely coherent philosophy tying those together; you can at least see why #1 made me think of the other two, though, right?
The big story you'll hear will be her conviction was thrown out but given the blatantly false testimony (pertaining to whether she knew right from wrong), the appeals court made the right choice.
"Dietz [...] told the jury he had served as a consultant on an episode of the television drama Law & Order in which a woman drowned her children in the bathtub and was judged insane."
Apparently nobody on the defense team bothered to spend 15 minutes looking here for that episode and then wondering why they didn't find it. Wouldn't these be basic examination questions:
"When did this episode air?"
"What was it titled?"
Nobody in the defense was suspsicious that the prosecution wasn't exactly anal about nailing down such details?
I heard about them, never watched 'em, but Slate pans them. Could they possibly have been as bad as those animated Sports Guy features?
Speaking of things that may or may not be as bad as those animated Sports Guy features, who among you has seen "Home Movies"? I gave the first episode a good ten minutes before my opinion was set; should I have been more patient? Was I just in a bad mood? Are all the original-material Adult Swim shows (Family Guy excepted) really that... special... for lack of a better word?
UPDATE: On further review of the Slate piece I linked to, she mentions (somewhat favorably) those BMW films. Last summer Julia and I had a houseguest (an adult) who absolutely raved about these and felt strongly that we watch them. I don't think she and I agreed about their quality or artistic merit.
Even though I'm very outspokenly for (relatively) open borders, I share Laurence Simon's pamphlet-related outrage. Even if I didn't, this is wickedly funny.
(Come to think of it, I never did link to yesterday's story about the tijuana prostitutes...)
I don't really follow wonkish politics and certainly am not up on the party committee heads or candidates to fill those roles. I can tell you Terry McAuliffe is slime, but that the longer he runs the Democrats the better life gets for the Republicans. Aside from that, who knows?
Anyhow, you can read here about why some outspoken Democrats think that a particular candidate of theirs is unfit to lead the party. I love seeing the particular ways that parties define themselves by exclusion, especially when the delicious irony is just how frequently Republicans are accused of it.
Bonus fond memory:
Roemer was one of the Democrats that voted against the Clinton budget of 1993 -- the one that in the end won by a single vote and cost Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky and so many others their seats. (Not just the big vote, but a number that led up to it.)
Ah, Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky... where is she now? Just like payback, constituency revolt's a bitch, isn't it?
(It's also the major downside to Republicans enjoying the power that they do now - if they are the institutional party, then they're not going to do nearly as much about institutional excesses as they used to.)
HELPFUL HINT: If you have a bee in your bonnet about "fiscal responsibility," just remember that Uncle Sam has a lot more control over spending than over intake. (True, you can control the RATE of taxation, but economic changes have consequences, to the point where a rate hike won't bring in nearly as much marginal revenue, nor a rate cut "cost" you nearly as much, as you'd have assumed if just ran the static numbers.) Ever ask yourself why the Democrats who raise a stink about budget-balancing only ever talk about the input rather than output? Well, it's hard to cut spending if you're protecting sacred cows, isn't it?
(Not that Bush's record on spending is anything remotely to brag about -- but the people who come down hard on him for tax cuts and don't even think to mention the spend-like-a-drunken-sailor part, are making a double f'up.)
Many of you have already written about the California Angels' (baseball team) new full official name. (See Dwight's comment for example, and James Dinan.)
Three things you may not realize:
1. For branding reasons, the new Angels' ownership desperately wants everyone to start calling the team "Los Angeles Angels." Just that. Los Angeles. Did I mention desperately?
2. The terms of the 30-year stadium lease the team signed with the City of Anaheim require the team to be officially called "Anaheim." This deal was signed when Disney owned the team, though of course the contractual obligation stayed with the team when it was sold. As hard as the team tried, city officials categorially rejected setting the deal aside. (I don't know whether either party pursued a buyout, which would probably have been better for the city than what's about to transpire.)
3. Although the long-term contract requires the team to be called "Anaheim," it does not require the specific phrase "Anaheim Angels." (An artifact from when Disney wanted greater flexibility, according to this subscriber-only article.)
So FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION (i.e. "please don't sue us"), the team has acted as though it has a loophole in the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim" monstrosity. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, they lobby Associated Press to get Los Angeles as city name and they lobby out-of-town scoreboard operators to use "LA" or "LAA" as their abbreviation.
Just another reason to despise owners of major sports teams, especially when they deal with governments (and less directly with taxpayers). Especially sad in that Arte Moreno looked at first like he could turn into one of the few good ones.
(I wonder how mad lefties get when they see what they think is Evil Bush complacently mistaken for Stupid Bush. I bet this incenses them, just as I'm mildly piqued that the "this is retarded" reaction will trump the more appreciate "this is repugnant" reaction in the team name feedback. Keep right on saying "this is retarded;" given the alternative, that's what the Angels WANT you to say.)
Read about the rumored buyout, and then the worlds-collide cultural imact.
Yep. I try too hard. Okay, from now on, no substantive posts here, just a mood emoticon and a plug for whatever band I'm listening to.
And an "OMG WTF" as I tell you about which classmate I have a crush on today and how much homework we got.
You know who else "tries too hard"? All those stupid nerds who found other ways to get on the Internet because they were too good for AOL.
Correlation is not causation!
Even so, this is some mighty fine correlation.
(Hmm, maybe being fat makes you poor? Heh.)
...is the guy who's so proud of his highly sensitive data that he can't keep a secret.
If some underling had posted this data instead of Mark Cuban himself, the underling would have been fired in minutes.
If I were a Mav's fan, I'd have much rather that data like this be anonymous and lead to a championship than be leaked and lead to the usual second-round exit.
This is also how I feel whenever I read insider looks at how the U.S. military fights its battles these days.
Participation. Splendid! (Resisted "Excellent" and found myself with a Juliana word; can't remember whether she's ever commented here.)
Background and first installment here. Everyone's comment will have had some impact (even if only to cancel out someone else). As usual this is a benevolent dictatorship rather than a democracy; I hope the upshot is just that we won't be a slave to raw numbers. If my opinions are just bizarrely out of line with yours, then, hmm, we'll see how it comes out.
Numbers, please...
109: 2F03 (SI-603 / S06E06) Treehouse of Horror V
In a Outer Limits parody, The Simpsons presents three tales of horror... In The Shinning, no TV and no beer makes Homer go insane at an isolated mountain lodge and only Bart's shinning can save the family. Next, Ned Flanders becomes the ruler of a George Orwellian world after Homer adversely uses a toaster to change the past in Time and Punishment. Finally, overcrowding at the school's detention room and budget cuts in the cafeteria leads Principal Skinner to come up with a unique single solution in Nightmare Cafeteria.
78: 9F16 (SI-416 / S04E19) The Front
After watching a particularly bad Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, Lisa and Bart ghost write their own using their grandfather's name. Meanwhile, Homer takes night school to make up a missing science credit. Brooke Shields and David Crosby guest star.
184: 5F03 (SI-903 / S09E06) Bart Star
A local health fair shows that Springfield's young boys are out of shape, leading parents to sign their sons up for pee-wee football. But when Homer snags coaching position, a more talented quarterback is replaced by Bart. Guest starring Roy Firestone, Mike Judge as Hank Hill, and Joe Namath.
140: 3F10 (SI-710 / S07E12) Team Homer
Thanks to Burns' ether induced state, Homer gets the money he needs to start a bowling team. However, Burns' head clears and he wants in. Meanwhile, Bart's inflammatory T-shirt causes a riot at school, resulting in Principal Skinner issuing mandatory school uniforms.
235: AABF19 (SI-1019 / S11E05) E-I-E-I-...
Homer and family move to an old farm where he and Bart conjure up "Tomacco," an incredibly addictive cross between Tobacco and Tomatoes. Guest starring The B-52's (end credits theme) and Frank Welker as the barnyard animals.
266: CABF14 (SI-1214 / S12E18) Trilogy of Error
In a Run, Lola, Run parody, a breakfast accident involving Marge's kitchen knife and Homer's thumb is seen through the eyes of individual family members. While Homer & Marge make a mad dash for the hospital, Lisa takes her linguistic robot to the Springfield science fair, and Bart runs afoul of Fat Tony's illegal fireworks ring. Guest starring Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony.
My first impressions: Two of these blow the other four out of the water, and the other four also split neatly into pairs, with three tough decisions to go.
"The Front" has better lines but "Trilogy of Error" is so clever... well, they're both fantastic.
Of the Treehouse sketches, I didn't like "Nightmare Cafeteria" at all but "The Shinning" and "Time and Punishment" make up for it. Other than roster and opponent team name trivia, what's special about Homer's bowling team?
Did Homer as football coach have any redeeming value or anything memorable other than him just being stubborn and vaguely Tom Landry-like? I didn't like Tomacco at all but that's the one whose comment feedback will interest me most.
Preliminary List:
1. Trilogy Of Error ("Ha ha ha ha!" "Au Francais!" "Haw haw haw haw!")
2. The Front ("Dear Mr. President, There are too many states. Please eliminate three.")
3. Treehouse V ("All work and no play make Homer something something." "Go crazy?" "Don't mind if I do!")
4. Team Homer
5. E-I-E-I-...
6. Bart Star
Fire away. I think the new security features here let you comment five days after an original post, so you still have time for the original installment (synopses soon to be added). If I do this three times a week, expect the final #N rankings in the initial #(N+3) post.
I gotta go with 037429.
Special place in hell for 786936 and 717951.
General apathy for 027616 and 043396 and 024543.
"Hey, how'd the pope do last night?"
"1-for-4 with an RBI"
--Allyson's best one-liner ever (from January 1998 when he was visiting Cuba), at least of the ones I've heard (since the last time she updated that page, she's gotten a new job, her husband's passed the bar, she may have even moved)
Anyhow, the 2005 game is underway. Looks like none of you followed my footsteps, or at least none of you credited me as referer (couple years ago I remember a New Year's Eve party where Mike was talking animatedly about this very pool). Rosters and picks are up and of the most frequent picks, my biggest regret by far is missing the Richard Pryor gimme. (Never took Warren Zevon either - didn't feel sporting.)
My team:
Brimley, Wilford
Pope John Paul II
Rehnquist, William
Santo, Ron
Turkel, Studs
Ford, Gerald
Rooney, Andy
Parks, Rosa
Castro, Fidel
Harvey, Paul (replacement pick for Johnny Oates)
Cronkite, Walter
Graham, Billy (replacement pick for Artie Shaw)
Schmelling, Max
Johnson, Lady Bird
Van Buren, Abigail
The way dead pools run, where any contestant can take any eligible person, reminds me of a salary cap baseball league except with no salary cap. Eventually dead pool knowledge and forecasting acumen will approach fantasy sports knowledge and forecasting acumen (as soon as enough money is involved in dead pools, I suppose - no cash riding on this one, though: no entry fee and modest donated prize fund), and then what? In a baseball league run like this, 98% of entries would have Barry Bonds as their left fielder, 70% would have Alfonso Soriano at second base, and so on.
Flip it around and things get interesting. Say your dead pool has unique "ownership" of the potential dead people. With a 23-man roster and a $260 rotisserie budget, just how much is Pope John Paul II worth? Does he crack $100?
Back to real life, how on Earth am I the only player with Ron Santo? I guess there's the "Why this year rather than any other year?" hypothetical question, plus if he already died then what does he have to lose?
They say Pat Summerall's still drinking (or at least Laurence says so); he was on my 2004 list and I kinda wish I'd stuck with him.
My colleague went on a ski trip this weekend but didn't make it back today thanks to inclement weather.
Harold and Kumar came out today. You have to wonder about first-week-of-January releases, whether they're anything like January theatrical debuts. (If you're ready so close to Christmas/New Year's, how come you couldn't make it work in time for the holiday rush?) This one gets a pass since stoners aren't so big on holidays. (Perfect exclude finally to link to Weed Delivery Guy Saves Christmas!)
Troy: Oliver Stone fans don't strike me as the holiday type either. And for that matter, based on reviews, if you were going to bury any particular movie in the post-holiday obscure week, this'd be the one.
CSI Miami: The Complete Second Season: Damn. Didn't get David Caruso under the tree. Life goes on.
Now with links! (See Cooch's comment.)
(First of what might become a recurring feature if the mood strikes and it's well received.)
PREMISE: This quick list catalogues 335 Simpsons episodes between Season 1 and Season 15 (ignoring the Tracey Ullman shorts as a fundamentally different product, and Season 16 because it's so recent). In theory I could produce a top-to-bottom ranking. It would be completely subjective -- this is list is entirely about what I think -- but I'd get input from you all and use it in some undefined way.
To strike a balance between thoroughness and quickness I've decided to choose fivesix episodes at a time, completely randomly. I'll give my first-impression ordering of the five, then wait a week for you all to comment, to challenge, to lobby, to cajole, and then maybe (after one week) revise how those five are ranked.
After 6658 iterations of this, episodes will be in quintiles. I'll repeat (continue?) the process within each tier, then sanity-check by comparing the top of one tier to the bottom of another. Actually I'm making all this up as I go along, and would be shocked to finish it without getting sick of it (or making you sick of it), but who knows?
With the help of
=FLOOR(RAND()*335,1)+1and without further ado:
The original Treehouse of Horror; two episodes involving Lisa Simpson's physical agility; a cameo excuse for Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger; a shockingly good medical marijuana plot; and Bart's community service.
Right off, "Lisa on Ice" clobbers "Last Tap Dance" and "When You Dish" goes straight to the bottom of the list.
Man, the more I think about it, the more astonishingly enjoyable "Burnsie's" was. Of course "Last Tap Dance" itself had some great lines. Okay...
1. Weekend at Burnsie's ("aw, man, we spaced on the date!")
2. Lisa on Ice (previously claimed by me to be one of the 10 best ever, maybe even 5 best ever)
3. Treehouse of Horror
4. Last Tap Dance ("after all, we do expect a certain level of professionalism from a children's dance recital")
5. Old Man
6. When You Dish
Comment away.
UPDATE: The more I think about Last Tap Dance, the more I like it. ("You are now pregnant." "But how?" "It is the mystery of the dance.") Maybe it's just my mood but Frink's Kung Fu Fighting could push this from #4 all the way to #2. Again comments welcome.
We dined at the Beach Chalet overlooking the Pacific Ocean (foggy night but you could make out the ocean waves as slowly-descending lighter bands on darker background), 7:30 reservation for greatest flexibility for the rest of the evening.
(Enough colds went around in December that until right before the 31st, it wasn't a sure thing that we'd both be healthy.)
Rang in the New Year with Julia's best friend, her husband, their wedding photos, some Ali G, and some Family Guy.
Spent January 1 with Julia's parents, exchanging gifts and such. Joe's mention of Apples To Apples gives me fond memories and makes me wonder: Could this game be playable among people whose native language is not English? I'm thinking of a group of Russians who generally came here in the 1970s and have known each other ever since but have varying degrees of English fluency.
Dealt with household repairs on Sunday, eating up more question-writing time than I would have liked. (Not that this NFL schedule thing didn't eat up question-writing time itself. Now that I'm finally satisfied with one (or so I think) - now that I finally have one where I can honestly say, "Yeah, it's plausible that they can use this intact" and not point to specific "no, they'd never do it that way" flaws, maybe next year and ever after I'll be free of the temptation to plug away on that. Unless... if I were a better software developer of course I'd design an automated scheduler. Just define every parameter as explicitly as possible, use brute force and computing time to reach a schedule that meets all parameters; if you're not satisfied then figure out how to express what needs to be fixed as an additional parameter and repeat...)
Mine got a flat tire somewhere in Alameda New Year's Eve. Today I'm driving the girlfriend's Toyota Cressida. (Great model: The model we now know as Lexus used to be Cressida before they decided to target it to luxury buyers.)
This is probably a big-car, small-car thing but 70 in the Cressida feels like 50 in the Cavalier. I'll be cruising along, thinking I'm at some moderate speed, then look down at the speedometer and marvel. Come to think of it, I'd inexplicably become a much more careful driver in the Cavalier (read: deathtrap) than in the old Intrepid. Meanwhile, Julia also is a faster driver in the Toyota than in the Chevy.
If you didn't see it when posted (i.e. if it got buried below all the other posts like this one), I did the playlist random shuffle lyrics quiz meme.
Of the songs still at large, y'all really should know 4 and 18.
I doubt anyone will get 6, 7, 8, 14, or 23.
Maybe someone will know 10, 16, or 21. Maybe.
I should move 5 over from green to italic: Even if the song title's still at large, it's one of those bands where you know all their songs but never think of what the things are called. (One-word title that isn't in the lyrics anyway, at least not the version of the lyrics running through my head right now.)
Full answers some time later this week; collectively you already have 60% without even looking things up.
Those of you who are geeky about this sort of thing, check out this file (grid) and this file (some sanity-checks but what you care about is the week-by-week output in pretty form, on the "Output" sheet).
Recent changes: "Saturday, December 31" -> "Sunday, January 1" (see Chad's comment; last time this happened was 1994, the final year BEFORE news coverage was routinely put on the www), some gametime/national TV tweaks to make team exposure more consistent with team attractiveness to networks.
(Version 0.01: this file (grid) and this file)
Pretty satisfied with teams' opponents by week (elated that at long last I have anywhere near a thorough algorithm; you can tell this is by hand since it's so algorithmic rather than as seemingly random as the "real" schedule is), less so with the game times and national TV.
(In particular: Indianapolis and Denver overexposed, NY Jets underexposed.)
Someone should force me not to even think about fixing any of this until after the Super Bowl (since it's a bit presumptive to have Philly and Pittsburgh hosting the "big" Week 1 games, though given their seeds it's only a bit).
If you care about this at all, you already know the ground rules and the tricky bits, everything from "both New York teams can't be on the same network the same afternoon, i.e. watch for opposite-conference visiting The Meadowlands" to CBS's lack of late Week 1 action (U.S. Open tennis) and Fox's lack of late Week 6 action (baseball's LCS's) to the Dallas/Detroit Thanksgiving thing (in mine, ATL @DET and DEN@DAL).
The last time December 25 fell on a Sunday was 1994, when the National Football League moved an entire slate of games to Saturday, December 24. December 25, 2005, will fall on a Sunday, but it says here the NFL won't decide until March how to handle it.
Of course, Christian clergy were mad that this year a game took place on Friday, December 24. (Would they have preferred Christmas morning?)
I really don't like the "You'd put X before worshipping your god?" argument for setting any particular time slot aside for religion. True, many religions have a Sabbath day every single week, but still. By comparison baseball routinely has a full slate of games both Good Friday and Easter, at least in April-Easter years. (Easter belongs in April anyway, in my opinion. March Easters always feel strange.)
From Week 17 results, it looks as though Pittsburgh's backups would annihilate Philadelphia's backups. What that says about the teams' starters is unclear.
New England apparently decided they'd need to play their starters full-time against a team as daunting as the 49ers; San Diego vs. KC, not so much. Doug Flutie, M Turner, et al, are looking good.
Apparently I managed to get tiebreakers wrong in both conferences, one mistake resulting from not fully understanding (until now, reverse-engineering) how the NFL applies three-team tiebreaks for wild card spots, the other mistake involving a Strength of Victory math error.
The first question you'd think of to ask (if you're geeky enough to care about these things) is, "Does the NFL break ties from the bottom up or from the top down?" (Or if a given tiebreaker step completely separates three teams, do they let that step just break the tie completely?)
Apparently when three teams are tied for two spots, they do what it takes to select the top team and then break the tie between the other two. Example (suppose Seattle wins in the game in progress):
Minnesota, New Orleans, and St. Louis all 8-8
Not in the same division, no head-to-head sweep (Minnesota didn't play St. Louis).
Conference records: St. Louis 7-5, New Orleans 6-6, Minnesota 5-7
So it'd be tempting to think the order above is the final order. But no:
Breaking the tie from the top down gives you St. Louis, then you start over for the Minnesota-New Orleans tiebreak and settle it on head-to-head.
Okay, so "Break ties from the top down" seems like a reasonable rule. But, over on the AFC side... how come (I asked myself) Jacksonville would win a three-way tiebreak against Baltimore and Denver? (Based on what's shown here as of when I type this, apparently that's the case.)
Baltimore, Denver, and Jacksonville, all 9-7 (if DEN lost and JAX won)
Not in the same division, no head-to-head sweep (neither DEN nor JAX played BAL)
All 6-6 within the AFC
Not enough common opponents to meet the 4-team minimum (just IND & KC).
Strength of victory (take the victory total of each team you beat; obviously if you swept a team, include their win total twice):
Jacksonville 69 (70 if KC beats SD this afternoon)
Baltimore 68 (includes one from tongiht's DAL-NYG game)
Denver 60 (includes one from the ongoing KC-SD game; up to 61 if Tampa Bay wins this afternoon)
Apparently beating Green Bay (once you already beat Buffalo and Denver early on) will do wonders for your s.o.v., as will Kansas City's late-season surge, and suddenly beating (Pittsburgh and the Jets) isn't as definitive.
Going into Week 17:
Baltimore's vanquished teams included two pair that would face each other (PIT-BUF, DAL-NYG), three that won anyway, and one that would have had to lose to Baltimore to become a vanquished team. So the only thing that "hurt" them here was NYJ losing.
Jacksonville's vanquished teams included three pair that would face each other (DEN-IND, TEN-DET, and CHI-GB), one that lost (BUF, who would have to lose for JAX to be playoff-possible at all), one in progress, and one that would have had to lose to Jacksonville to become a vanquished team. So if KC loses to SD, and had the Jets won instead of losing...
Baltimore would have Jacksonville on strength of schedule (win totals of the teams that beat BAL or JAX: Baltimore, 73-67).