Fancy Store-Bought Dirt

1. The American Idol phenomenon.

2. figure skating and ice dancing.

3. Wedding DJs. Or rather, wedding emcees.

Hanna-Barbera did give us Jonny Quest, which does not suck, but is nigh-impossible to find in an uncensored form. The Wave doesn't bother me as much as phuqnuts who have to add "bom-bom-BOMMMM" and "so good x3" to "Sweet Caroline."

1). The sporting media ready to anoint the next Michael Jordan at the drop of a hat, and then knowingly castigate themselves when doing it. You can't hang a lantern on it like that. I'm on to you!

2). Classic rock stations that own 100 songs and just play those. Mix in a salad!

3). Ads at movies. I know, I can go 15 minutes later, but it's general admission and I like leg room. So, is this the price I have to pay for that honor?

The Wave doesn't bother me as long as there are cultural and social mores involved.

1. Paris Hilton. Possibly the most worthless celebrity we've ever had. And that's saying something considering....

2. Master P. Note that this category includes anything released by No Limit records, whether by P himself or any of his worthless, talent-free relatives. His various attempts at being a music producer, recording industry executive, film producer, film director, actor, professional athelete, and sports agent make him a one-man interdisciplinary pop-culture train wreck.

3. This whole "televised poker" phenomenon. No matter what time of day, I know that if I change channels on my television enough, I will run into people playing cards eventually.

1) Novelty Christmas music. I'm not the hating type, but... oh, man, I hate it. "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear?" Are there people in this world that actually think that's funny?

2) Popped collars.

3) Andy Dick.

1. Ugg boots with miniskirts.

2. Weak American Idol substitutes.

3. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

You, sir, are a philistine. Dissin' Hanna-Barbera? The horror.

It actually leads pretty well into the first member of my trio, though:

1. Anime. I don't get it, even when it's in English. This isn't a dig at Japanimation as a whole; I dug Star Blazers, that one with the superheroes who had an underwater HQ, and to a lesser extent Speed Racer. But all the fanboy stuff that people wet themselves over now? Please.

2. Home/town/personal improvement shows. Not so much This Old House as any of the Queen For a Day type shows on now - Extreme Makeover, etc. Actually, the "celebrities" attached to such shows may be worse - Paige Davis, Ty Pennington, etc.

3. High screechy voices in hip hop, from "Hard Knock Life" on down. I used to have to take a shuttle bus on a regular basis where the driver listened to a local hip hop station, and I'd be subjected to this phenomenon at least once a ride, if not more. Sometimes I got the song and a good dose of static, which was nice and dementia-inducing.

The difference between Hanna Barbera and anime is the difference between a garage band that knows three chords and, say, Rush. It cuts both ways, of course.

A Hanna Barbera cartoon wantonly recycles backgrounds, makes no attempt at artistic beauty, and coasts on sound effects and chases. Which is not to say anime is all THAT much better, but...

1. The wedding/line dance du jour -- this includes the Macareana, the Electric Slide, the Achy Breaky et al.

2. The "Jack" radio format -- hello, we're a musical iPod! Corporate free-form horsebleep.

3. Big-screen versions of TV series -- yes, a few work (The Fugitive), but 95% are unwatchable to the 10th power.

3a. "Urban" remakes of movies/TV series. We've already had "urban" remakes of *National Lampoon's Vacation*, *Can't Buy Me Love* and *The Honeymooners*, and an urban version of *Back to School* is in the works. Is there a point??

1. People watching other people drive in circles.

2. "R&B" music with glittery sound effects and nothing to do with rhythm or blues.

3. Home improvement television.

3a. People who disparage the Laff-a-Lympics!!