Fancy Store-Bought Dirt

Simpsons Ratings (#7 of 56)

POOL #4 RANKING:
1. A Milhouse Divided
2. Realty Bites
3. Marge on the Lam
4. Screaming Yellow Honkers
5. Eight Misbehavin'
6. Sunday Cruddy Sunday

(explanation/commentary in the extended entry)

As usual, pseudorandom numbers pick the episodes; I rank 'em on the spot, you critique my rankings (and/or give yours) and a week later I post the revised list. No voting per se in this benevolent dictatorship but I do use your opinions for awesome.

Coming this spring: All six tiers listed, plus your chance to nominate episodes from each list for promotion or relegation. After that... if we're still interested, then ranking within the tiers will be 100 times as tricky as the prelims were.

Stay tuned for #8 by Wednesday morning (along with the #5 results), and be sure to weigh in on #5 and #6 if you haven't already, or even if you have. You can also browse the category archive though you'll need to click on each individual post's timestamp to see comments.

Numbers, please...
275: DABF02 (SI-1302 / S13E06) She of Little Faith
Desperate for money, the First Church of Springfield decides to rent out its wallspace to local advertisers. Horrified at the living commercial the church has become, Lisa withdraws herself from the church and converts to Buddhism. Richard Gere guest stars, as himself.
34: 7F21 (SI-221 / S02E21) Three Men and a Comic Book
In order to earn enough money to purchase the very first Radioactive Man comic book (valued at $100), Bart takes a part time job with a neighbor. However, after discovering that working is for chumps, Bart enters into a partnership with Martin and Milhouse. Cloris Leachman guest stars.
192: 5F11 (SI-911 / S09E14) Das Bus
Bart, Lisa and their classmates fight for survival after becoming stranded on a deserted island. Meanwhile, Homer attracts the attention of Bill Gates when he attempts to crack the lucrative internet egg with a home-based consulting firm. Guest voices James Earl Jones as the narrator and Jack Ong as the chinese fisherman.
150: 3F19 (SI-719 / S07E22) The Curse of the Flying Hellfish
Buried World War II treasure is the prize in a tontine, in which Grampa and Mr. Burns are the last two surviving members. But Burns is determined that he'll be the one who collects the prize.
105: 1F17 (SI-517 / S06E02) Lisa's Rival
It looks as if Lisa's days as the class brain are numbered when the new student proves to be smarter, younger, and plays the sax better than her. Meanwhile, Homer strikes white gold in the form of an over-turned Sugar truck. Winona Ryder guest stars.
292: DABF19 (SI-1319 / S14E01) Treehouse of Horror XIII
"Send in the Clones," "The Fright to Creep and Scare Harms," and "The Island of Dr. Hibbert."

My Quick Impressions:
Not sure if this is as top-heavy as #6, and yet I have to say none of these suck. Whatever comes out on the bottom gets royally screwed, and even what comes out next-to-last gets somewhat screwed.

Lisa's Rival stands out as #1 for everything from Jeremy Irons to Ralph's bent wookie.

Although Das Bus has its moments ("We're Trinidad and Tobago!") I'm far less upset with the idea of putting it #6 than the idea of putting any of these other episodes #6.

That leaves a knotty situation with the other four. Rather than sit here pondering (the pool 4 resolution was brutal enough as it is), I'm going to go with my gut and just let the fur fly in the comments.

(One more caveat: Episodes with Lyndsey Nagle almost always suck, and yet She Of Little Faith is a distinct exception.)

Preliminary Rankings:
1. Lisa's Rival
2. Hellfish ("63? Oh no, he's out of air! I've sent my only grandson to a watery gr... wait, 64? 64! He found the treasure!")
3. She Of Little Faith ("Who wears short shorts?" - also Burns and the puff of smoke)
4. Treehouse XIII (Kaiser Wilhelm!)
5. Comic Book (Bart's classmates apparently get double screwed today)
6. Das Bus

Pool #4 Explanation:
Votes all over the map on this one but the aggregate of comments gave Milhouse a slight but clear edge, with Eight Misbehavin' and Cruddy Sunday just as slightly-but-clearly fifth and sixth.

That leaves the three Marge episodes. The six comments with rankings managed give those episodes all six possible relative rankings. A week after the fact I still have no idea how best to rank them myself. For all I know, all three will end up in the #3 tier.

All three seem to share the pattern:
Gut-splitting first five minutes (Garrison Keillor, "fake Saturday that almost got me fired," Skinner ruining the comedy bits).
Surprisingly good out-of-nowhere physical comedy moment (shattering the backboard, piano wire, "bears can't talk, Eddie").
Horribly overdone ending.

Even more overlap: Realty Bites has an overachieving auto, and Honkers has Gil.

In the end, I bump down SYH for too much meta at the end (the Stone Phillips bit is good but then they run the "watch NBC" meme into the ground) and give a slight edge to Realty for its more general appeal (if I had no idea who Garrison Keillor was would this even be close?) and for the best minor character that episode... Cookie Kwan (#1 on the West Side!).

Posted by Matt Bruce at January 17, 2005 11:54 AM