January 03, 2005

Simpsons Ratings (#1 of 56)

Now with links! (See Cooch's comment.)

(First of what might become a recurring feature if the mood strikes and it's well received.)

PREMISE: This quick list catalogues 335 Simpsons episodes between Season 1 and Season 15 (ignoring the Tracey Ullman shorts as a fundamentally different product, and Season 16 because it's so recent). In theory I could produce a top-to-bottom ranking. It would be completely subjective -- this is list is entirely about what I think -- but I'd get input from you all and use it in some undefined way.

To strike a balance between thoroughness and quickness I've decided to choose fivesix episodes at a time, completely randomly. I'll give my first-impression ordering of the five, then wait a week for you all to comment, to challenge, to lobby, to cajole, and then maybe (after one week) revise how those five are ranked.

After 6658 iterations of this, episodes will be in quintiles. I'll repeat (continue?) the process within each tier, then sanity-check by comparing the top of one tier to the bottom of another. Actually I'm making all this up as I go along, and would be shocked to finish it without getting sick of it (or making you sick of it), but who knows?

With the help of

=FLOOR(RAND()*335,1)+1
and without further ado:
208: 5F19 (SI-919 / S10E05) When You Dish Upon a Star
Keeping Hollywood secrets proves difficult for Homer when he scores a personal assistant job for the husband and wife team, Alec Baldwin & Kim Basinger. Also guest starring Ron Howard and Brian Grazer.
285: DABF11 (SI-1311 / S13E16) Weekend at Burnsie's
After being attacked in the garden by an unruly group of crows, Homer goes to see Dr. Hibbert about the ongoing pain in his eyes. Dr. Hibbert suggests that Homer begin smoking marijuana for medicinal purposes. When Homer becomes hooked on the wacky tobaccy, he leads a petition to legalize the drug. Guest stars Phish.
16: 7F04 (SI-204 / S02E03) Treehouse of Horror
Bart and Lisa swap three horror stories in their tree house: In Bad Dream House, the Simpsons move into a haunted house, complete with a dimensional vortex, bleeding walls, and an Indian burial ground. Next, aliens kidnap the Simpsons, and invite them to a 'great feast' on Rigel 4 in Hungry Are the Damned. Finally, James Earl Jones narrates Edgar Allen Poe's classic tale starring the Simpsons. This version stays very close to the original poem in The Raven.
223: AABF16 (SI-1016 / S10E20) The Old Man and The "C" Student
After causing his fellow townspeople to lose the Olympic Games, Bart is forced to slave away his time helping the elderly residents of the local retirement home. Guest starring Jack LaLanne.
246: BABF15 (SI-1115 / S11E20) Last Tap Dance in Springfield
After seeing "Tango de la Muerdo" at the local theatre, Lisa is inspired to learn the art of the dance, tutored by none other than former child actress Little Miss Vicky Valentine. Meanwhile, Homer decides to increase his visual acuity with laser eye surgery.
111: 2F05 (SI-605 / S06E08) Lisa on Ice
Sibling rivalry breaks out on and off the ice when Lisa proves to be a better hockey player than Bart.

The original Treehouse of Horror; two episodes involving Lisa Simpson's physical agility; a cameo excuse for Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger; a shockingly good medical marijuana plot; and Bart's community service.

Right off, "Lisa on Ice" clobbers "Last Tap Dance" and "When You Dish" goes straight to the bottom of the list.

Man, the more I think about it, the more astonishingly enjoyable "Burnsie's" was. Of course "Last Tap Dance" itself had some great lines. Okay...

1. Weekend at Burnsie's ("aw, man, we spaced on the date!")
2. Lisa on Ice (previously claimed by me to be one of the 10 best ever, maybe even 5 best ever)
3. Treehouse of Horror
4. Last Tap Dance ("after all, we do expect a certain level of professionalism from a children's dance recital")
5. Old Man
6. When You Dish

Comment away.
UPDATE: The more I think about Last Tap Dance, the more I like it. ("You are now pregnant." "But how?" "It is the mystery of the dance.") Maybe it's just my mood but Frink's Kung Fu Fighting could push this from #4 all the way to #2. Again comments welcome.

Posted by Matt Bruce at January 3, 2005 08:29 PM
What Other People Say

Just as a suggestion to make this more worthwhile, though also more cumbersome, it might help to link to the episode guides in question at http://www.snpp.com or some other equivelant.

While I may have seen a given episode, I may not know it by title.

Posted by: Cooch at January 4, 2005 09:49 AM

Well, I think you (along with half the rest of the population) have Weekend at Burnsie's hideously overrated; I would probably put it at #4 behind Last Tap Dance (which is good for its era, not that that's saying much).

Also, most of those links don't work -- SNPP is even more behind than ever on the episode capsules, these days. Try linking to the Episode Guide instead, e.g.
http://www.snpp.com/episodeguide/season10.html

Posted by: Paul at January 4, 2005 01:36 PM

I've not seen Weekend at Burnsie's so I can't comment on that but otherwise I'd only switch your 5 with your 4 (Old Man over Tap Dance.) Though it sounds like you won't.

There was a point where I had seen every episode... but that must've been... up until about that point, actually. I think I've seen most of Season 13.

Posted by: John at January 4, 2005 07:44 PM

"When You Dish" is nowhere near as bad as it's probably perceived to be, and as such I jump it over "Old Man," which was just generally boring.

Also, "Lisa On Ice" goes to No. 1. Never mind the hockey, it may feature my favorite Simpsons quote of all time:

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

I hadn't even seen "Last Tap Dance" until tonight actually, but it's solid enough to stay where it is.

1. Lisa on Ice
2. Treehouse
3. Last Tap Dance
4. When You Dish
5. Old Man
?. Burnsie's

Posted by: Cooch at January 5, 2005 12:53 AM

1. Lisa on Ice
2. Treehouse
3. Dish
4. Last Tap Dance
5. Burnsie's
6. Old Man

Posted by: Mark at January 5, 2005 05:06 AM

Now I'm really curious about what Mark likes about Dish and what John likes about Old Man. I'm strongly inclined to say they're still slotted exactly right (maybe this is a tough bracket; so early, it's hard to tell) but...

Right after I posted this I felt a rush of enthusiasm for the Tango de la Muerdo (maybe churro-sugaring was involved) but nobody seems to have championed it.

Cooch is dead-on about not just "Me fail English?" but really everything about that auditorium scene. All this is exactly why "Lisa On Ice" made my haphazardly-assembled Top 10 awhile back. It really has to be #1 of these 6 (Paul's critique of Burnies noted; not sure how far it falls, maybe only to #2).

Funny how Treehouse has aged. I still really really like the "To Serve Man" parody, but the nightmare house one hasn't aged well at all (so poorly that I forgot that it was the first one; I thought "To Serve Man" was first and couldn't remember what was second). At the time I deeply appreciated "The Raven" but c'mon, if you're flipping through and see this in syndication, are you really going to drop what you're doing just to see five minutes of Bart flying around saying "NEVERMORE!" with that smirk?

Posted by: me at January 5, 2005 10:43 AM

"The Raven" doesn't work well cut into pieces (that is, you can't watch a minute here or there and get a quick laugh), it's actually creepy rather than outlandish or excessively silly like later THOH's (not that that's a bad thing.)

Also my placing Old Man over Tap Dance had more to do with not liking Tap Dance... but reviewing the capsule for Old Man has had me chuckling consistently. It ends badly but it's pretty decent.

Posted by: John at January 5, 2005 11:54 PM
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